Amazing Hallowell

Thursday night I went to a Halloween rehearsal at Putney Cares in Putney. I was struck once again by what an amazing organization it is. We sing, but it is about so much more than singing. Tonight, several talked about a special session they had with a teen Village Harmony camp. This was a group of adults talking with a group of teens about death and dying! How often does that happen! They said the teens were remarkably open and eager to share their thoughts and experiences. Several had lost grandparents recently, some had lost peers. As the discussion developed, it became clear that the current generation of teens has had more experience with death than mine had had. Drug addiction and suicide are taking their toll. But this also means that these teens are much more interested and even eager to hear what Hallowell is doing. This led to a further discussion among us as to whether we might create more opportunities for that - an idea we liked.

In a separate, but related, discussion, one of our group leaders for a recent sing, Fred Breunig, reported on an unusually emotional experience. The sing was for a patient who was relatively young - in his fifties - who lived by himself and who in addition to having a terminal illness, had an addiction to alcohol. A few days before the sing, he had "fallen  off the wagon" and had a drinking binge and had been found unconscious on the floor. The group knew this when they went to sing for him, and became concerned when repeated knocks on the door brought no response. Finally, he came to the door, but in bad shape. He explained that he had been drinking again, and apologized. The group went in to sing for him - as Fred put it, "we weren't there to judge him," and he responded to the sing with great emotion and gratitude. It was, in effect, an affirmation that he was a human being and had worth. This dynamic proved to be emotional for everyone. But this experience led to a question we had never directly addressed - what if he had been unconscious on the floor? What would we do as a group? Someone said, "call 911." But Kathy Leo, our leader, demurred. When you call 911, you set in motion a protocol that might not be what the person wants, and may have so stated in Advanced Directives. Our first responsibility is to sing - even if the person is unconscious - while someone in the group calls Hospice or tries to locate family. 911 would be the last resort, not the first. This led to a very rich discussion and a decision by Kathy to  talk with Hospice and develop a very specific set of guidelines for how to deal with just such a situation. It would be rare - in 98% of the situations, someone else is there: a family member, a friend, a Hospice volunteer. But in this case there was not. How often does one get to participate in such discussions? Not often. So this is a special group in many ways.

On a bit less positive note, we broke into small groups to sing during the rehearsal, and I was asked to lead one. "Lead" means help choose songs, give the pitch, and keep the group together, set a tempo and keep it there. This has always been second nature for me, but last night, I found it to be hard  physically and mentally. I did it, but it took much more effort than I have experienced in the past, and I didn't feel I did it well. That was distressing. How much longer will I be able to do this? I'm determined to keep trying, but at some point, I will have to recognize that I am causing problems for others.
 
But the evening ended well for me - we sang a song, Fear Not the Pain, in honor of the daughter of one of our members who had a baby in February and suffers from a rare condition in which pregnancy and lactation has leached calcium from her bones, resulting in 8 mini-fractures in her spine. She cannot lift anything, which means she cannot hold her baby. Treatment is very expensive and will take years, although they are hopeful. When we performed this song in River Singers a year or two ago, I read the verses of the Rilke poem it is based on, and did so again last night. That was very moving for me.