Remembering my brother, Stewart

Today is the sixth anniversary of my brother, Stewart's, death. It is hard for me to believe that it has been six years since he died. Six years ago, Ellen and I had visited Stewart in Elgin, and then on January 22nd, we drove to St. Paul to deliver Cynthia's harp to its original builder for repairs. While there in St. Paul, on Wed., the 23rd, we got a call that Stewart had collapsed in the shower and lost consciousness and had been taken to St. Joseph hospital in Elgin. We returned to Elgin right away and met everyone in his room at the hospital. Stewart had not regained consciousness and was not ever expected to; so after we arrived, the decision was made to end life support. We sang for him, and cried, told him we loved him, said goodbye, and let him go. He was 85 years old, and 7 months. I miss him so much - we enjoyed being together a lot! There are so many times I wish I could talk with him, share something I've discovered, ask about something in our  early family life I can't remember.

Stewart and me at a cairn on top of Black Mountain, behind our house - taken a few years ago!

Earlier today I was looking up the address of my friend, Phil McKean, and when I Googled his name, I found a lot of things, including a review he had written, back in 1979 or so, of a film, The Three Worlds of Bali, which he strongly recommended.  Phil was an anthropologist who did his doctoral dissertation on Bali and lived there several years. I found the entire film on YouTube (amazing!) and watched it. In it, a Balinese man studying to be a Hindu priest says that when he becomes a priest, he will have to cut all familial ties. If a loved one dies, he will not grieve, he will not cling to him or his memory, he will let him go, "and free his path to Paradise." Well, Stewart, I hope my continued love for you and memory of you has not in any way been an obstruction on your path to Paradise!

By the way, the film is well worth watching! It has some scenes of sacrifice of animals which can be disturbing, but it is a powerful rendition of Balinese culture, and in particular a ritual performed only once every one hundred years, the Eka Desa Rudra. The film-maker, Stephen Lansing,  was a student of Phil's.

A Balinese temple