Making progress

I feel that I am making progress - both with respect to healing from my fall, and also with respect to my long "To Do" list. The bruising has almost completely faded and the pain, soreness and swollenness - both in knee and back - is much less. I can sleep on either side and walk more comfortably. I had a session with Angelina today and she helped a lot - both my back and opening up my shoulder. I have not yet gone back to Planet Fitness, but am ready to. I think it is not unreasonable to think that in a couple more weeks, I'll be back where I was before my fall. I feel very fortunate! With respect to the "To DO"list, I have written drafts of new paragraphs for my "Advanced Directives" and we (Ellen, John and myself) have a date with Dr. Van Dyke next Monday, to go over all that. I have contacted a potential new lawyer to help with updating our wills. I have given thought to options for disposal of my body, and have a date for a phone conversation with a friend who is involved in green burial. I've notified my insurance agent about changing my auto insurance coverage and I have made a date to have the brakes on the Subaru repaired, and also a date for oil-undercoating. I have a dentist appointment. This is by no means everything, but it is a good start. ****************** Yesterday, Ellen and I went to Shutesbury and spent some time with Katie, and a little with Brendon. Brendon seems to be having a good start at Greenfield Community College. We looked at Katie's draft of an outline for Savanna's memorial service, and we shared some poems we had found that might be read - in my case, poems by May Sarton. No final decisions on that as yet. In reading through poems and other writings on death and dying, it is quite clear that there are two major camps of attitudes toward death: (1) death is a natural part of life that can be welcomed, and (2)death is an "enemy" to be resisted. Dylan Thomas' poem epitomises the second attitude: "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light." A children's story I told years ago at the Guilford Community Church, expresses the first attitude well, I think. It was based on a story by Isaac Bashevis Singer. "Mapey and Leafy Let Go October 27, 1991 This morning I'm going to put on a little play for you. I would like to introduce to you the two main characters in our play: this is "Leafy" who is an old and wise leaf, and this is "Mapey" who is a little younger, very inquisitive leaf who asks a lot of questions. And I myself am going to play the part of a tree. Do I look like a tree? M: (in a higher pitched voice) "Hey, hey Leafy! Hi there! You're looking really beautiful today! L: (in a lower, pitched, "wise" voice): "Why, thank you Mapey! You're looking pretty special yourself. I remember when you were just a little bud." M: "Yeah, and I remember when you were all green and there was a big fat, green caterpillar crawling all over you." L: "Why, I remember that day! And look at us now. We've turned all golden and orange and the sun shines right through us like a stained glass window." M: "Yeah, we've really changed a lot. But...but Leafy? L: "Yes...?" M: "Could I ask you a question?" L: "Well, sure." M: "I've been wondering. Where have all our friends gone? I haven't seen them around for a while." L: "Why, Mapey, don't you know? We've come to that time of year called "Letting Go." M: "Letting Go? What's Letting Go?" L: "Letting Go is the last great thing we do before we join the earth again. M: "Well, what's it like?" L: "Well, I don't know exactly because I haven't done it yet, but I understand that its a wonderful feeling of freedom, and you go twirling and dancing down through the air, like a....a ballerina." M: "Why do we have to be Letting Go? L: "Mapey! Didn't you know? We leaves are not just leaves! We're part of this great big life that's called "Tree." Letting Go is just part of the life of the Tree. We come out as buds in the Spring, and then we turn green in the summer, and we get golden and orange in the fall, and just before winter comes, we let go. M: "Winter? What's winter?" L: "Winter is when it gets cold, and there's snow on the ground. And we leaves..well, we decompose." M: "Decompose! That sounds awful!" L: "No, it isn't awful. It's something we leaves do very naturally. We're really good at it. That's how we become food again for the Tree, so it can have leaves again next year." M: "Leaves like us?" L: "Yes! I tell you, Mapey, we leaves are really important." M: "Well...Leafy....does letting go...hurt?" L: "No, I don't think it hurts,,,you go down on to a nice big pile of leaves and soft pine needles; it's a lot like going to bed." M: "Well...when are we going to be letting go?" L: "I'm not sure...it's just something.......(Leafy lets go and falls to the ground) M: "Wow! Leafy! You did look like a ballerina! Are you okay? Leafy? Leafy? Are you okay? I guess he can't hear me. Wow! This Letting Go is really something. I just hope that....... (Mapey lets go and falls to the ground). Larry: I'm going to take Leafy and Mapey and put them back with all these other leaves, and when I get home I'm going to put them out on to the the forest floor where they will be with all the other leaves, under the snow, where they can decompose. Prayer: Dear God, we thank you for the life of the leaf and we thank you for our lives as well. We thank you for the way that you are with us through all the changes of our life, even in the times when we, like the leaves, let go. Thank you, God, for the wonder and the mystery of life and of death. Amen." I don't really know why one person is in one camp and another person is in the other. I'll have more to say about that in a later blog post.

Dylan Thomas

Isaac Bashevis Singer