vividreports: Thinking about Betsey

I've been thinking a lot about Betsey these past few days because yesterday, July 22nd, was the fourth anniversary of her death. The day she died, we were driving from Boise, ID to Alpine,WY at the time. Here is what I posted back then:

The long journey ended

My beloved daughter, Betsey, ended her 19-month long, courageous, and often inspiring journey with brain cancer (glioblastoma) on Friday evening, July 22nd, at a few minutes before 6p.m. in the evening. Her husband, Rob, and her daughter, Katie, were at her side. She had been in Hospice care since the beginning of July, and essentially unresponsive for a couple of days. Her final days were pain-free and her death was gentle and peaceful. Ellen and I were driving from Boise to Alpine at that time and our cell phone was out of range. We got the news about an hour after the fact when we came back into range, and just minutes before arriving at Paul and Jenny's, which was hard, but we managed to negotiate it.

However, we had spent over three weeks helping to take care of Betsey, with Ellen especially on the front line, experiencing many sleepless nights. We finally had to face our physical limits and withdrew to Alpine, and then Boise and Salem.

Now I will return to Boulder this coming Saturday for a celebration of Betsey's life, with a gathering of Boulder-based friends and co-workers. That will give me the opportunity to hear testimonies and remembrances of Betsey from her co-workers, which will be very moving. Just what will come after that for us is still to be determined. However, we know that Rob and Katie plan to take a two-week trip, starting with a few days with Rob's brother Neal and his wife, Sue, in Eugene, OR. A very well-deserved vacation, because they have been on the front line of care for Betsey, pretty much 24/7, for months and months and months.

Thanking back to that day, in some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it feels like another life, the world is so different. Betsey would have many thoughts about what is happening today, and I would love to hear them.

I looked through the sympathy cards that I received four years ago, and that led to the inspired thought to send a card and note to the folks that reached out to me at that time. So that is what I have been doing these past few days. Here is the card I sent:

Meanwhile, Katie will leave this Saturday to drive a U-Haul truck back to Brooklyn to clean out her apartment and bring what she wants to keep back to Boulder. That will not be an easy trip, so our thoughts and prayers will be with her! There is so much uncertainty in her life right now, but of course, she is not alone in that! Her hope is to eventually find work in the Denver area, find her own apartment, and eventually become a free-lance photographer. She keeps trying to build her own life, only to have it be interrupted! But she is a plucky gal!

Rob and Katie in 2016

Rob I think plans to step down as Dean of the College of Music this fall and take advantage of a clause in his contract which allows him to remain as tenured faculty. That will be interesting to follow. And our grandson, Max Feinland, goes to Boulder in August as a freshman in the College of Engineering at U of Colorado. Betsey worked in development in that College, so Ellen and I are very familiar with the building Max will be studying in. I can see it clearly in my mind's eye.