Problems with email

 These past few days  I've had problems with Sover.Net -I'm getting a message saying the account has been disabled. How can that be? It doesn't tell me how to "enable" it. Stay tuned!

A. Stream of visitors and events

A few days ago, I had five visitors - Bill Warriner, Fred Breunig and Patrice Murray, Elizabeth Christie and Margie Serkin. That could have been very tiring but wasn't. Three stayed a very short time; that helped.

Fred and Patrice.************************************* Ever since I posted the new era blog, I've seen a lot of people. They may sense the time may be short. The big thing that has happened is that I was visited by a Hospice nurse, Sy, and she interviewed me extensively and I am signed up with Bayada Hospice. This is going to be a huge help in terms of personal care, equipment (like a good wheelchair), meds, etc. This will support Ellen especially. So I'll be seeeing a lot of Bayada staff in coming weeks. The other big thing is that I was featured on a Zoom Higher Ground session Thursday in which I elaborated on things I said in a previous session about my "journey into dying." People really appreciated what I said and wanted to hear more. Here are some notes made by Mike Mayer. "Larry’s sharing with the group last week was evocative for us all. Excerpts include: “I think that dying is an amazing journey. And I have entered it with a lot of questions and uncertainties; now I’m beginning to understand better what it’s about. It’s definitely a discovery of a lot of goodness and wonder, and love and forgiveness, and sharing, and so, it’s an amazing journey!” Larry reflected on what he called a “practice for dying,” entering a new phase of his illness with major fatigue, but generally feeling better. He spoke glowingly of ways others have enriched his process: the Guilford church singing group coming by, and a group of ministers who have gotten together to discuss the book Aging with Wisdom and Grace by Dr. Wilkie and his wife Noreen Cannon Au. “It sees the dying process as a very special, wonderful, important part of life… not to be feared or avoided… not to be denied. It’s to be fully embraced! And open oneself to new opportunities! It’s just a whole different way to think about the process of dying. And to see it as something, which is really in many ways, possibly the most important part of your life. I can’t say I’ve achieved that 100%, but I have a better understanding, and I’m evolving, and changing, and growing, and learning… Who knows what is yet to be discovered in this process.” Others have come on Wednesdays to support Ellen’s care-giving process to give her time for other things in her life. One of her many gifts to him has been her frequent reading aloud—“medicine” for helping calm him down and rest amidst the tremors of Parkinson’s. In Hallowell, the hospice choir, co-founder Kathy Leo refers to it as the “don’t-know-mind”, that comes from The Five Invitations by Frank Ostasetski, that Fred also referred to in readings related to his own illness. “It’s a mind free of all expectations and presumptions, and just completely open to what is there,” Larry went on to say. “What is real and true right now in this room—the people, the thoughts, the fears, the hopes, the postures that people are assuming, the way people are touching the person who is in the bed. We try to be completely aware and open to that, and then respond to that in our singing. It’s an amazing, amazing experience to go into a situation, totally unknown, with that kind of openness and attitude of not knowing. It goes contrary to a lot of things that maybe we were taught in another part of our lives. We’re told we should know, or we should be arming ourselves in some way, but it’s good to be vulnerable, and to be open, and to let the reality of a situation wash over us, and then respond to that in an authentic way.” Reflections from the group came up about Larry’s life well-lived, and how much his process is a gift for the rest of us, helping us to die to the things in our lives we’re ready to let go of. Andrea related this to her experience of training in soul-midwifery, where she’s been learning how to be totally present with what’s happening with others as they approach death."************************* Meanwhile, things are happening wuth Bayada. Today an oxygen machine was delivered. I haven't tried it yet. I'm hoping it will give me extra energy.

Birthdays .

Today is Betsey's 67th birthday and tomorrow is Stewart's 98th. Bless you both - I miss you.

Elizabeth Crockett Shay (1958-2016)

Me, with my brother, Stewart (1927-2013). ****************************** LATER: The 24th and the 25th turned out to be record-breaking hot days, in the 90's. So we stayed at home. John found an AC unit at Mr. G's Discount Store in N. Walpole, NH and installed it in the livingroom, so we haven't suffered.

The AC unit in the LR. It vents hot air out the Window and drains water into a pan which has to be emptied every four hours or so.*********** Jim and Mary Tolles were visiting from Maine but they stayed in a motel at night. I spent a good portion of those hot days napping. Suzie McQuen, my niece, called to mark the day of her dad's birthday, but I was asleep when she called. Stewart and Betsey, you are remembered with love!

A new era.

This past week or so has been different physically. Last Monday I woke up and was suddenly extremely weak and could hardly move. I was unable to get to the bathroom, or get out to my recliner chair in the livingroom. Fortunately we had an easy fix for the toilet issue - a port-a-potty that can be placed right next to the bed. Similarly, I can brush my teeth and use the water pic with a pan sitting on the edge of the bed. Eventually I was able to get out to my chair. But even though I'm better now, it feels like a new phase of the illness - more terminal. My PCP wants to test for a UTI, but we are also going to apply for Hospice care. The main change is that it makes "going out" sort of problematic. So I've mostly been home. I've had a lot of visitors and calls and texts, expressing support. My granddaughter, Katie, is here right now - she flew out from St. Louis last Thursday. I've had two "small choir" visits from Guilford Church - that has been wonderful. And it has also cracked me open more - I've been talking a lot more about dying with Ellen, John and others. I've also been sleeping more during the day. All this has affected my sense of time - especially of free time. and that has had an effect on this blog. So here we are! I have no idea what the future holds, especially whether I'll be alive. That makes living very interesting. Every day is a gift, for sure. Here are some photos - I'll organize and label them later.

This year's rhododendron crop - some winter-kill is evident when you compare this photo with last year.

Dummerston Center cemetery has been un-mowed all spring leaving a profusion of wild flowers which enhance but also almost hide Betsey and Shirley's grave flowers.

A new development! We've moved the TV downstairs to the livingroom so I don't have to use stairs to watch TV.

Katie Shay, visitng for a few days and thus here when a small choir came from the Guilford Church.

Filling In.

In addition to reading aloud from Ernest Gaines' A Lesson Before Dying, several things have happened since we visited The Clark Institute: (1) I was supposed to lead the Dummmerston choir in Here I Am, Lord on May 18th, but didn't feel up for it and passed it on to Mary Westbrook. I listened later to the service on Facebook, and the choir sounded great. (2) I observed the 27th anniversary of Shirley's death on May 24th by listening to one of her 1997 GCC services (from the GCC archive available on the GCC homepage). (3) The Morris Dancers held their annual Memorial Day weekend Ale, with several groups at the GCC pavilion after church on May 25th. (4) Peter Falion, Helen Merena and Andy Davis came on Wednesdays to be with me while Ellen took some time off (typically to meet someone for lunch - like her sister Katie). Fred Breunig is coming today. (5) We had the last session of our retired Clergy group this spring on May 29th; we'll reconvene in the fall. (6) A small Group from rhe Guilford Choir came and sang hymns for me at home, later in the afternoon on May 29th. (7) Plus, Ellen has created a lovely deck garden, despite a lot of cold, rainy weather. And last Monday, we had an unexplained power outage - a short one, fortunately - which caught us by surprise (i.e., no bad weather).

Above: Morris Dancers at GCC Pavilion.

Group that came to sing for me: Nan, Fred, Ginny, Cathy, Helen, Rachel and Carole. Plus Ellen.

Green Mountain Power Truck, checking out our power outage.

Deck Garden.*********************************** Oh yes, and one more thing: We've made a big change in the livingroom. With John's help, we moved the TV from the upstairs bedroom down to the end of the couch in the livingroom. This means I don't have to go upstairs to watch TV, and in particular, it means if I have to use the bathroom during a TV program, I don't have to come downstairs and then go back up again. John got a long coaxial cable to extend the antenna cable from upstairs down to the LR, and since a long cable weakens the signal from the antenna, he found a signal booster which he added to the system. He also has gotten an additional cable which links my iPhone to the TV, so now we can watch a program or movie on the phone and display it on the TV. This has been great! We most recently watched The Autobiography of Jane Pittman, which is on YouTube, and very much worth a look if you are interested.

The TV in its new location.

I'm okay.

I know that when I don't put up something on my blog for quite a while, some might wonder if I'm okay, so this is just assurance that I am. I'm not sure why I have neglected this blog for so long. I think one reason is that we have been aggressively pursuing a practice of reading aloud, and I don't work on my blog while Ellen reads to me. And then other things come along when she is not reading. So I guess you can say life is full. Most recently, Ellen has been reading from Ernest J. Gaines' 1993 novel A Lesson Before Dying. This is a powerful work. Set in Lousiana, at the novel's center is Jefferson, a young black man sentenced to death for three unintended murders which take place during a robbery which Jefferson was involved in, but he was not in any way responsible for the murders. He had the bad luck to be the one left standing, alive. His court-appointed defense attorney, speaking in court, compares his impending execution to the slaughter of a "hog," in a misguided effort to elicit sympathy for his client from the court. Jefferson seems to buy into this characterization and refuses to talk with his family - he is, he says, "nothing but a hog." Grant Wiggins, a local black teacher, is recruited by Jefferson's family to help him face his death "like a man." This sets up an excruciatingly painful relationship between the two men, but one in which they both grow emotionally over time. The novel received several awards and was made into a movie for TV. Gaines died November 5, 2019, age 86.

Ernest J. Gaines (1933-2019). ************************** Looking for the movie based on this novel on YouTube, I ran across another movie based on a Gaines novel, The Autobiography of Jane Pittman, starring Cecily Tyson. and we watched that movie yesterday. That is also a powerful work! Gaines should be far better-known than he is. I am grateful to have discovered him and his work.

A few more works.

The Clark has a fairly large collection of works by Renoir: a gallery is devoted to his work. This portrait caught my eye because this young woman reminded me a bit of Tamar, Ellen's granddaughter.

P-A. Renoir (1841-1919), Thérèse Berard, 1879. ************************ I like this bust of Balzac. I have not read any Balzac for a long time. I remember loving Père Goriot

Bust of Balzac by Pierre-Eugene-Emile Hebert (1877).