A new era.

This past week or so has been different physically. Last Monday I woke up and was suddenly extremely weak and could hardly move. I was unable to get to the bathroom, or get out to my recliner chair in the livingroom. Fortunately we had an easy fix for the toilet issue - a port-a-potty that can be placed right next to the bed. Similarly, I can brush my teeth and use the water pic with a pan sitting on the edge of the bed. Eventually I was able to get out to my chair. But even though I'm better now, it feels like a new phase of the illness - more terminal. My PCP wants to test for a UTI, but we are also going to apply for Hospice care. The main change is that it makes "going out" sort of problematic. So I've mostly been home. I've had a lot of visitors and calls and texts, expressing support. My granddaughter, Katie, is here right now - she flew out from St. Louis last Thursday. I've had two "small choir" visits from Guilford Church - that has been wonderful. And it has also cracked me open more - I've been talking a lot more about dying with Ellen, John and others. I've also been sleeping more during the day. All this has affected my sense of time - especially of free time. and that has had an effect on this blog. So here we are! I have no idea what the future holds, especially whether I'll be alive. That makes living very interesting. Every day is a gift, for sure. Here are some photos - I'll organize and label them later.

This year's rhododendron crop - some winter-kill is evident when you compare this photo with last year.

Dummerston Center cemetery has been un-mowed all spring leaving a profusion of wild flowers which enhance but also almost hide Betsey and Shirley's grave flowers.

A new development! We've moved the TV downstairs to the livingroom so I don't have to use stairs to watch TV.

Katie Shay, visitng for a few days and thus here when a small choir came from the Guilford Church.

Filling In.

In addition to reading aloud from Ernest Gaines' A Lesson Before Dying, several things have happened since we visited The Clark Institute: (1) I was supposed to lead the Dummmerston choir in Here I Am, Lord on May 18th, but didn't feel up for it and passed it on to Mary Westbrook. I listened later to the service on Facebook, and the choir sounded great. (2) I observed the 27th anniversary of Shirley's death on May 24th by listening to one of her 1997 GCC services (from the GCC archive available on the GCC homepage). (3) The Morris Dancers held their annual Memorial Day weekend Ale, with several groups at the GCC pavilion after church on May 25th. (4) Peter Falion, Helen Merena and Andy Davis came on Wednesdays to be with me while Ellen took some time off (typically to meet someone for lunch - like her sister Katie). Fred Breunig is coming today. (5) We had the last session of our retired Clergy group this spring on May 29th; we'll reconvene in the fall. (6) A small Group from rhe Guilford Choir came and sang hymns for me at home, later in the afternoon on May 29th. (7) Plus, Ellen has created a lovely deck garden, despite a lot of cold, rainy weather. And last Monday, we had an unexplained power outage - a short one, fortunately - which caught us by surprise (i.e., no bad weather).

Above: Morris Dancers at GCC Pavilion.

Group that came to sing for me: Nan, Fred, Ginny, Cathy, Helen, Rachel and Carole. Plus Ellen.

Green Mountain Power Truck, checking out our power outage.

Deck Garden.*********************************** Oh yes, and one more thing: We've made a big change in the livingroom. With John's help, we moved the TV from the upstairs bedroom down to the end of the couch in the livingroom. This means I don't have to go upstairs to watch TV, and in particular, it means if I have to use the bathroom during a TV program, I don't have to come downstairs and then go back up again. John got a long coaxial cable to extend the antenna cable from upstairs down to the LR, and since a long cable weakens the signal from the antenna, he found a signal booster which he added to the system. He also has gotten an additional cable which links my iPhone to the TV, so now we can watch a program or movie on the phone and display it on the TV. This has been great! We most recently watched The Autobiography of Jane Pittman, which is on YouTube, and very much worth a look if you are interested.

The TV in its new location.

I'm okay.

I know that when I don't put up something on my blog for quite a while, some might wonder if I'm okay, so this is just assurance that I am. I'm not sure why I have neglected this blog for so long. I think one reason is that we have been aggressively pursuing a practice of reading aloud, and I don't work on my blog while Ellen reads to me. And then other things come along when she is not reading. So I guess you can say life is full. Most recently, Ellen has been reading from Ernest J. Gaines' 1993 novel A Lesson Before Dying. This is a powerful work. Set in Lousiana, at the novel's center is Jefferson, a young black man sentenced to death for three unintended murders which take place during a robbery which Jefferson was involved in, but he was not in any way responsible for the murders. He had the bad luck to be the one left standing, alive. His court-appointed defense attorney, speaking in court, compares his impending execution to the slaughter of a "hog," in a misguided effort to elicit sympathy for his client from the court. Jefferson seems to buy into this characterization and refuses to talk with his family - he is, he says, "nothing but a hog." Grant Wiggins, a local black teacher, is recruited by Jefferson's family to help him face his death "like a man." This sets up an excruciatingly painful relationship between the two men, but one in which they both grow emotionally over time. The novel received several awards and was made into a movie for TV. Gaines died November 5, 2019, age 86.

Ernest J. Gaines (1933-2019). ************************** Looking for the movie based on this novel on YouTube, I ran across another movie based on a Gaines novel, The Autobiography of Jane Pittman, starring Cecily Tyson. and we watched that movie yesterday. That is also a powerful work! Gaines should be far better-known than he is. I am grateful to have discovered him and his work.

A few more works.

The Clark has a fairly large collection of works by Renoir: a gallery is devoted to his work. This portrait caught my eye because this young woman reminded me a bit of Tamar, Ellen's granddaughter.

P-A. Renoir (1841-1919), Thérèse Berard, 1879. ************************ I like this bust of Balzac. I have not read any Balzac for a long time. I remember loving Père Goriot

Bust of Balzac by Pierre-Eugene-Emile Hebert (1877).

Art works at The Clark.

I took a number of photos of works of art displayed at The Clark: they permitted photos (1) of works owned by The Clark and (2) without flash. Here is a sample of a few: Winslow Homer:(1836-1910)

West Point, Prouts Neck, 1900. Homer considered this one of his best paintings. The scene is close to his studio, which is located at Prouts Neck, ME, about 12 miles south of Portland, ME. It is possible to tour his studio out of the Portland Museum of Art, by reservation only. We have never done that, but maybe we still could. Homer wrote of this painting, "The picture is painted 15 minutes after sunset. . . . not one minute before." So he must have gone to the same spot, day after day, and set up to be ready to paint fifteen minutes after sunset each day. Of the paintings we saw, this is my favorite. Here are three more paintings by Winslow Homer, of the same genre:

In the same gallery with Homer were works by an artist who was a contemporary of Homer, but represented a different region: Frederic Remington (1861-1909):

A solitary member of the Siksika (Blackfoot) Nation leans forward on his horse, gazing across the snowy landscape toward a distant encampment. The figure's pose, the horse's breath, and the glittering nightime sky create an almost palpable stillness and tension. The setting is likely what is now the province of Alberta, Canada, where Frederic Remington spent time in 1887 and 1890 and where the Siksika Nation is located today. The image is fictive, painted over a decade after after the artist's time in Canada. Remington's earlier work as an illustrator for Harper's Weekly and in particular his images of the American west, contributed to racist misconceptions about Indigenous life; this painting made later in his career, reflects a more sensiitve view.

Note the peculiar fact that all the soldiers look alike.

The Clark

The weekend of May 10-11 we didn't do anything notable that I recall, even though it was Mother's Day weekend. There was a Mother's Day brunch at the Community Center in Guilford, which we have attended in previous years and have enjoyed very much, but I just didn't feel up for it this time, so we stayed home. I think John and Cynthia came over later in the day. I know the next big thing was Tuesday. J&C had given me a Christmas present of a trip to someplace special, and we finally did it Tuesday: we went to The Clark Art Institute in Williamstown, MA, which turned out to be a spectacular place. I can't believe I've lived here over 50 years and have never gone to The Clark, which is only a 1 1/2-hour drive from here, and a very nice drive at that. The Clark opened in 1955, but was much smaller initially. The big expansion came around 2013, I think. Today it sits on 140 acres, has expansive buildings, huge galleries, as well as smaller ones, higher education facilities, a 300,000-volume art history library, a nice cafe with an outdoor patio, reflecting pool and lovely views. It is an architectural wonder, with the unforgetable feature of huge red-tinged granite blocks forming walls and corridors. Most of all, it has an amazing collection of art - European and American - Monet, Renoir, J.S. Sargeant, Winslow Homer, etc. We saw only a small part of what is on display. You could easily spend a couple of days there. I would love to go back again. I used one of their wheelchairs, which was comfortable, and E, J and C all took turns pushing me. But even so, I was exhausted by the end of the day - exhausted but happy. These snaps of the visitor's brochure give a glimpse of the size and layout of The Clark:

The main facade of The Clark.********************************** And here are some photos I took which give a feel for the building we were in:

The Café,

Just outside the Café.

In the bookstore. ELlen was thrilled to find lots of postcards!

One of the large galleries - mostly Monet

A smaller gallery.

Big Catch-up

Wow! I have really been out to lunch. So much has happened! So here is an attempt to catch up: May 7th: John Carnahan died Wednesday, May 7th. He was 96 years old. He and his wife, Mary, were married the same month Shirley and I were married - August, 1955 - but we didn't know them then. We met them in 1973-74 when our daughter, Betsey was in high school with their son, Paul. She dated him for a while, and did a lot of activities with him - esp. debate club. We became good friends with John and Mary and for several years we had a tradition of going to their house on Friday evenings to watch Washington Week in Review. We shared an interest in politics and public affairs, and John, who was a lawyer and judge, was very involved in Democratic Party politics in Vermont. E.g., he ran for the office of Lt. Governor (unsuccessfully). Shirley felt she could share experiences in the Guilford Church with them because they could be trusted to hold information in confidence, and that was a big plus for her emotional health, just to get things off her chest with someone with an objective standpoint. Our families did a lot together down through the years. E.g., we always went to their yard for refreshments after the Brattleboro Fourth of July Parade. After Shirley died, and I met and married Ellen, the friendship continued. A few years ago, John and Mary gave up driving, and in 2021 or 22, they moved to a senior housing unit in Randolph, VT, near their son, Paul. Ellen and I visited them there 2-3 times, but we saw far less of them. More recently, John had to move into nursing care - the same facility but a different building from Mary. Their daughter, Susan Vodrey, has been very good about keeping in touch with us and she sent the news that John had died. Another major loss, another milestone. Rest in Peace, John.

Susan Vodrey, John Carnahan and Mary Carnahan. This. photo was taken at St.Michael's Episcopal Church in Brattleboro just before the Carnahans moved to Randolph. ****************************** I will continue this "catch-up" in subsequent posts.

The Great Gatsby

In our reading out loud series, Ellen has read Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huck Finn; Percival Everett, James; Dusty Miller, Danger in the Air; Marilynn Robinson, Gilead and Lila, and now she is just finishing F. S. Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby. I read aloud the entire Gospel of Luke. Quite a variety! We got into Gatsby because this is the 100th anniversary of its publication. We weren't sure about including it in this company, but it is a great book. I think I read it when I was much younger, but I don't think I "got" it then. The times we are in now add another layer of meaning to what is already a complex book. James is a re-telling of the Huck Finn story, but from the perspective of Jim, Huck's companion on the raft, going down the Mississippi. Jim was a freed slave. It is a brilliant book. Dusty Miller is a close friend of Katie and Savanna who in mid-life took up writing mysterys. She is good! Danger in the Air is based on a true story from about 50 years ago when anthrax-laced letters were mailed by an unknown person to politicians and other famous people. It's a thriller! Marilynn Robinson has written several novels which have as a central character John Ames, an elderly pastor in a Congregational church in the little town of Gilead, Iowa. We love her novels, have read two so far, and probably will read two more: Home and Jack. Later:We just finished Gatsby last evening - what an amazing book! It is still relevent to what is going on in our country.

F, Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940).************************************** Monday, May 5th, Mark Kennedy and Cathy Rude stopped by on their way home to South Hero from So. Conn. We hadn't seen them for ages, and they were bursting with news. We were so glad they stopped by. Tuesday we had our summer tires mounted at Pete's, and Wednesday, Mike Mayer spent time with me while Ellen went to Westminster, MA to have lunch with Katie and Katie's old high school friend. Thursday was a quiet day and Ellen started reading aloud a new Dusty Miller book - Danger in the House. Today she has the car at Richmonds and I'm home alone.

Sue Owings comes to be with me.

Yesterday (Friday 5/2/2025), Sue Owings stayed with me while Ellen met her goddaughter, Ruthie, at a bookstore lunch place in Peterborough, NH. Sue is the second woman to fill that role - Terry Sylvester came a few weeks ago. We had a good visit and we also listened together to an audio recording of a Guilford service from Jan. 13, 1997 - on the theme "Beautiful Aging." That fits nicely into my retired clergy study on "aging with wisdom and grace," and I wanted to check it out to see if it was something I could play for that group. I thought Sue would enjoy hearing it - she knew Shirley well - and she did. I think I will play it for the men. Jack Bixby knew Shirley, who was serving in Guilford at the same time Jack was at Centre Church. Lee and Jeff have never heard or met her. Sue led the service in Guilford last Sunday and did a great job. Things are falling together nicely. Ellen's goddaughter, Ruthie, was testing the waters in Peterborough, so to speak, with regard to moving to NH on a more permanant basis. I guess she has decided not to. I have a feeling that the cost-of-living may have something to do with that decision, but it may also be more social. New Englanders can be sort of clique-ish sometimes, and newcomers can feel unwelcome. That was not my experience back in the 1950's when I came to Vermont, but being a minister also opens a lot of doors. I feel for Ruthie, who I think may feel lonesome.

Sue Owings

And now, May is here ……..

......but it's looking more like April! The weather forecast has it raining every day for the next week. However, May 1st, yesterday, was beautiful. I went to my retired clergy group gathering in the morning, where we talked about having the "attitude of gratitude" as an important element of graceful aging. We all agreed we are grateful but could do better at openly manifesting our gratitude. Afterward, Ellen and I drove up to Londonderry, VT, to Grandma Miller's bakery. A lovely ride with an abundance of Spring Green in newly opening leaves, yards full of daffodils, flowering shrubs and trees. And then a chocolate eclair with coffee and a bag of morning glory muffins. We took the long way home through Weston and Chester - a really nice ride! I am deeply grateful for it all - especially Ellen's part in it. Weston, of course, is home to the original Vermont Country Store. Hard for me to navigate so we didn't go in. But Ellen did go in the old country store across the street, where she found postcards.

The Vermont Country Store in Weston.

An older country store across the street - interesting in its own right, and lower prices than TVCS.

Very early spring.

Same day but different location - leaves more advanced.

Forsythia bush

April is almost over!

Just an hour left. Then it will be May day. April has been good - many beautiful days. It has been cool, spring is retarded. Yesterday, however, I did sit on the deck, and it was lovely. Today, Jack Wesley returned to be with me while Ellen had lunch with Elizabeth Christie. Jack and I share many threads. There is always much to ahare.

A thriving magnolia tree

Tom Goldschmid

Looking ahead, there is a memorial service for Tom Goldschmid tomorrow at Westminster-West church. Tom had pancreatic cancer, which can be terribly painful. All the more amazing that his life partner, Kathy Leo, our long-standing Hallowell leader, could describe his death as "beautiful." Here is an excerpt from his obituary: "Tom died the way he lived, making choices throughout his journey with pancreatic cancer that always considered quality of life. He spent his last seasons doing the things he loved when he could. He continued to work with wood. He sketched and painted, and wrote prose and poetry in his journal. He spent time with friends. Most importantly, he spent time with his children and grandchildren as often as possible. He always showed up wherever his son was working on a building site or landscaping site to collaborate or just share lunch. And he dropped in on his daughter in the greenhouse or in the field at Walker Farm weekly. He loved his partner’s children and grandchildren as well. Being a grandfather was one of his greatest joys. There was no limit to Tom’s love. His love was inclusive and reached far into the community." Tom was an architect, a woodworker, a musician, among many other things. Not long before he died, he brought the chair I am sitting in - my recliner chair - in his pickup truck, from Bellows Falls to our house, and thanked me profusely for asking him for his help. He was a very special man. We will miss him very much, but his spirit is very much alive among us.

Tom Goldschmid (1949-2025)

Tom and Kathy.******************************** LATER The actual service was beautiful. Tom's family was there and many spoke and/or sang. Tom was bountifully honored and appreciated. There were more people packed into the church than I have ever seen!

The church as people were gathering.*********************** We got there early. I got to see people I haven't seen for years, even decades! People came up to speak to me I did not recognize, but they graciously let me know who they were.

Tim Merton was there to play the cello.

Jason Leo sang and spoke.********************************************** John and Cynthia came over on Monday for supper. We had a good visit. Otherwise, pretty quiet. Ellen has read aloud over 150 pages of Marilyn Robinson's Lila, which is an amazing "prequel" to Gilead.